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  Chapter 18

  My Life Rocks

  When spin-the-bottle was over, we ended up sitting together in the corner of the room, on some cushions people had pulled off the couch. I can’t remember what we talked about; I was feeling giddy, and I think we mostly joked around. I noticed Bennett’s laugh for the first time then, the cute way he almost snorted at the end of it, but maybe I just was starting to like everything about him: his dirty-blond hair, his chipped tooth, the way he touched my arm while he was talking to me.

  Bennett seemed like he could be a real boyfriend, the kind of guy who comes over for study dates and carries your books in the hallway, the sort of guy who brings lilies when you’re sick and remembers your one-month anniversary. I could see us building a giant snowman together and holding hands through mittens. He was kind of awkward, and even after our big kiss it seemed like he was trying to impress me—somewhere in the midst of my daze of happiness I remember him telling a random story about how he might get to interview the Green Party gubernatorial candidate for the school paper—but I didn’t care. He was a normal teenage guy, awkward and unpolished, and that was what I liked about him.

  My whole relationship with Jonathan seemed like cotton candy by comparison: it looked bright and sweet, but in the end it had been totally insubstantial. I thought about our breakup, about how I’d told Jonathan that I was tired of always trying to go to the coolest clubs and impress all the hippest people, and how he said that he couldn’t imagine his life without all that. It had made me cry at the time, but when Bennett kissed me a second time, on the cheek, it was just like Jonathan had never even existed. The rest of the party pretty much disappeared too. So did Liesel, Philippa, SBB, and the mess they were all making of my house. For just those few moments, I was totally content.

  That night, we slept over at Judith’s, and we stayed up practically all night recapping all the cool stuff that had happened: the kiss, the gossip, everything. It was totally great, and it all ended with us having one of those communal three A.M. laughing fits where you practically break your ribs from cracking up.

  The next morning, Judith’s mom made us challah French toast with raspberry jam and fresh-squeezed orange juice, and we all hung out until about noon. Judith’s mom was really nice too. She was a good cook, and chill enough to basically ignore us while we talked. She turned slowly through the arts section of the Times while she ate her breakfast, then asked us about school before she went out for a run. Judith mentioned that she used to be a yoga instructor, before her dad’s law practice really took off, and I could totally see it. She had that kind of Zen calm. I realized I could use some of that myself. My cell vibrated a couple of times, but I knew without looking it was SBB and I forced myself not to worry. I’d be home soon enough.

  When I finally breezed into my house at about one o’clock in the afternoon, all three of my houseguests were down in the living room waiting for me. I blinked. Up to that point, I’d been all happy and exhausted, but they had such dark, accusing looks on their faces, the guilt hit me in a wave.

  “Where were you? I kept calling all morning!” SBB pointed at a spot on her arm. “I was so worried, I’m getting a rash!”

  “Tell us all about your new friends,” said Philippa, sounding a little jealous.

  “Was it fabulous, darling?” Liesel yawned, pretending not to care.

  At that point, basically all I wanted to do was crash on the couch and daydream about Bennett. But, even though I wanted to keep that happy feeling all to myself for a little while longer, I realized I owed it to Liesel, Philippa, and Sara-Beth to at least tell them what went down.

  “It was great,” I said, sinking into a chair.

  I told them everything, no holds barred: about Meredith’s grandma and her cookies … the kiss … cuddling with Bennett at the party … sleeping over at Judith’s and laughing all night. At first, it seemed like there was no way my lame little adventure would mean anything to three of the coolest, most popular senior girls in town, but as I went on, even Liesel couldn’t hide the fact she was intrigued. I must have talked for almost an hour before I finally felt my eyelids starting to droop.

  “God, you guys,” I said, stretching, “I think I really need a nap or something. I’m wiped out.”

  Liesel brought me a glass of orange juice and sat down on the couch.

  “Snookums, you never fail to amaze me,” she said. “Who knew that high school parties could be so kitschy and fun?”

  “Bennett sounds adorable.” Philippa twirled a newly black strand of hair around one finger. “Like he really gets you, you know?”

  “I’ve never been to a real high school party before,” Sara-Beth confessed. “It was something I tried to work through with David’s parents in therapy.”

  “Do you think you really could get us invited to one? Next time, I mean?” asked Philippa.

  I squirmed a little. I needed to stop making promises that were so hard to keep. But what could I say?

  “Sure. I can try to anyway. It would depend on who’s throwing it and stuff.”

  “Sure.” Philippa nodded.

  “We wouldn’t want to make it awkward for you, darling,” Liesel said with a sigh.

  “No, I mean, it wouldn’t be.” Just then, I had a thought. “You know what? Even if there’s not another party with people from school, we could have a party of our own—just the four of us. Like a sleepover.”

  Sara-Beth clapped her hands in delight. “Really, Flan? Just like at the beginning of the summer?”

  “Sure. We can do it on Friday.” I smiled. “I’ve been neglecting you guys way too much. I’m sorry.”

  The rest of the afternoon I spent sprawled up in my room, alternately napping and working on homework. A few days—or even hours—earlier, I might not have believed it, but it actually seemed like I was balancing my two lives really well. I’d gone out with Meredith and Judith, cemented something real with Bennett, and still basically been a good friend to my runaway pals back home. I felt awesome, confident—like I could take over the world. I should’ve known it was too good to last forever.

  Chapter 19

  Back at School, Taking Notes

  On Monday, I ended up sitting between Meredith and Judith at this lame school assembly that happened in the afternoon. I can’t remember what the topic was—something related to students taking a more active role in recycling, or another, even more boring topic—but it didn’t really matter, because the three of us stayed entertained the whole time writing notes to one another in the margins of my chemistry notebook. It was like the sleepover all over again: we kept cracking one another up. Fortunately, we were sitting toward the back of the auditorium or else we would have definitely gotten into trouble; as it was, only Mrs. Frisk, one of the librarians, kept turning around and shooting us the evil eye, but other than that, we were on our own.

  Flan, have you seen Bennett today? wrote Judith. I heard he was looking for you before school.

  Crap, I wrote back. I was blow-drying my hair and got here super late. Oh well. At least he didn’t see me with bed-head.

  Not yet! wrote Meredith, giggling.

  I elbowed her in the ribs. What about you? Any cool guy gossip?

  Practically the only guy I’ve seen today is Principal Leland, wrote Judith, rolling her eyes at the stage, where Principal Leland was standing at the podium, talking into a microphone and sweating under the lights. He’s this short, balding guy who wears bow ties and cardigan sweaters with leather patches on the elbows, and even though I think he’s sweet, most of the other kids at Stuyvesant find him annoying as hell. God, wouldn’t it be great if he was as cute as that guy from The United States of Leland ? Or better yet, Leland Brinker?

  Leland Brinker is sooo cute. Meredith underlined the word so about a million times. I’d kill to see him onstage.

  He went out with Sara-Beth Benny for a while, I wrote, deciding to take a chance. After all, it was in all the gossip mags anyway. He was even at that f
amous Survivor party she threw. They made a cute couple.

  Yeah, right! Judith drew an angry face next to her words. SBB looks so scary! Someone should make her eat a hamburger or something. She’s totally starving herself.

  Maybe she’s on coke, Meredith added. Kills your hunger and explains some of the crazy outfits she wears.

  Leland Brinker could seriously do so much better. What a skank! Judith doodled a cartoon of a stick-figure girl with big sunglasses waving a bikini top in the air. Meredith started giggling hysterically. But I just stared down in my lap while my stomach did guilty flip-flops.

  Meredith and Judith weren’t mean girls—they’d never say stuff like this about someone they knew. But celebrities just weren’t real to them. I was starting to understand why SBB found most of the people in the “real world” so scary: they totally didn’t treat her like a person. But I didn’t know how to tell Meredith and Judith why their words bothered me so much without giving anything away about Sara-Beth living with me.

  I think, I started to write, still trying to figure out how to put it, exactly. But before I could finish my thought, a hand came out of nowhere and closed the notebook. I looked up. It was Mrs. Frisk: Meredith was laughing so hard the old librarian had actually gotten up and come back here to see what was going on.

  “Girls,” she hissed, “this is an assembly about Styrofoam disposal—not a social hour. If I see you writing notes again, I’ll confiscate them and send all three of you to detention after school.” She turned on her heel, went back up several rows, and took her seat again.

  Meredith, Judith, and I exchanged glances.

  “Rrrear,” Judith muttered under her breath, making a claw gesture. I grinned, but I still felt bad about what we’d been writing.

  So we pretty much piped down for the rest of the assembly; Mrs. Frisk might be old and persnickety, but that was no reason to get stuck in detention. We sat more or less quietly while Principal Leland did a PowerPoint presentation about the new blue bins they were putting around the school. After what seemed like about three hours, it was finally over.

  We were supposed to file out of the auditorium row by row, but everyone was so desperate to get out of there that it wound up being a mad crunch. Meredith, Judith, and I got sort of separated in the aisle, and I was feeling really claustrophobic—until I realized that the guy I was stuck standing next to was none other than Bennett Keating.

  “Flan!” He looked like he couldn’t be happier to see me. His hair was all tousled and adorable, and he was wearing this khaki jacket that made his shoulders look even broader and stronger than they did normally. “I was looking all over for you earlier!”

  “Really?” I blushed. “Well, it’s good to see you too.”

  “Yeah. So, listen, I had such a great time at Devon’s party, I was thinking I’d throw one at my dad’s apartment this weekend. He’s going to be gone on Friday night. Do you think you’d be able to come?”

  “Of course,” I said, but inside I started to squirm a little. That was the night I was supposed to hang out with the girls at home. “Only, do you think it would be okay if I brought along—”

  “Oh yeah, Meredith and Judith are invited too. Where did they go? I just saw them.”

  I glanced around. “Well, I’ll tell them anyway.”

  “Great. Maybe I’ll find you guys in the cafeteria at lunch.” Bennett grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, then disappeared into the crowd.

  Which left me feeling giddy and wonderful, but with just one very disturbing question on my mind: how was I going to explain this one to SBB, Philippa, and Liesel?

  Chapter 20

  You Don’t Double-Book Liesel Reid

  My temporary solution wasn’t a very good one: I just didn’t tell them anything. It was easier than it sounds, because that week all three of them were going crazy, especially SBB, whose realtor had set up an interview with another co-op board late Friday afternoon. Sara-Beth didn’t want anything to go wrong this time, so she was in full hide-from-the-paparazzi mode. She even wore her big dark glasses inside the house.

  Early in the week, I was able to kid myself into thinking that the girls had forgotten all about our plans to have girl time on Friday night. But then on Thursday, when we were all sitting around the coffee table eating the Thai food we’d ordered for dinner, Philippa said the words I’d been dreading: “So, I’ve been thinking about our sleepover tomorrow. Should we rent some movies or something?”

  “Don’t even talk to me about anything Hollywood.” Sara-Beth nibbled at a noodle from her pad Thai. “They chew you up and spit you out. That’s how the business works.”

  “One of my friends from Cube works for the Sundance Channel,” Liesel offered. “He could get us some films that haven’t been released yet. Or we could do each other’s nails. There’s this wonderful store that just opened, and they sell the most unusual colors—”

  “Let’s hear it, Flan.” Philippa turned to me. “You’re the sleepover expert. What do you think would be the most fun?”

  I swallowed a mouthful of my green curry, but it didn’t go down easily.

  “Listen,” I said, “do you think we could do this sleepover thing another night? Like … Saturday?”

  All three of them looked at me like I’d just fallen in through the ceiling. I hunched over my food and continued, “I mean, it’s just that … I have this other thing I’m supposed to do.”

  Total silence. Liesel was the first to speak, and when she did, she sounded horrified, like this was a nightmare beyond her worst imaginings.

  “You … double-booked?” she whispered. “You double-booked … us?”

  “I didn’t mean to,” I said, feeling pretty awful. “I mean, seriously, I didn’t. But then, the other day, Bennett said there was going to be another party—”

  “Another party?” Sara-Beth shrieked. “But Flan, you promised you’d bring us along next time.”

  “I know … but … I didn’t want to tell you about it, because, well, because …” I had to think fast, but I just kept picturing Meredith and Judith and how shocked they’d look if I showed up at the party with three older girls they’d never seen or even heard about before—including SBB. “Because I know you have that board meeting on Friday. What if it goes really well, and then you turn around and get your picture snapped when we’re out that night? You’d lose the apartment, and all for the sake of some dumb Stuyvesant party? I don’t think so.”

  Sara-Beth still looked hurt. She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “That’s no reason why we can’t go, though,” said Philippa. “Liesel and me, I mean.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t know. It’s not going to be anything great. I mean, they might play spin-the-bottle, but it’s the beginning of flu season, you know. So I bet it’ll mostly be other stuff … like Yahtzee.” I tried to think of all the lamest stuff I could imagine. “And I think Bennett said there were going to be charades. Yeah, loads of charades.”

  “If this party’s so dumb, why are you going?” Sara-Beth didn’t wait for me to answer. She got up and went up the stairs.

  “Sara-Beth,” I called after her. Philippa and Liesel exchanged a look. I could tell they were totally disgusted with me.

  “Well, I suppose we can amuse ourselves,” Liesel said to me, really coldly.

  “Yeah. Besides, we shouldn’t leave Sara-Beth trapped at home all alone,” said Philippa pointedly. “That would be really mean.”

  I’d pretty much never felt worse—that is, until I went upstairs and found Sara-Beth curled up on my bed, holding my teddy bear to her face and crying her eyes out. Noodles was nuzzling into her neck, then panting and looking concerned. At that point, I would have gladly changed places with anyone in the world. But since that wasn’t an option, I went and perched on the edge of the bed until Sara-Beth finally rolled over and looked up at me with big red accusing eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel left out.”

&
nbsp; SBB sniffled. “I don’t hate you, Flan. Don’t think that I do. I just don’t understand how you can be so cruel to me.”

  “Sara-Beth, that’s really not fair. I’m not doing this to hurt you. I’d take you with me if I could.” At that moment, it really was almost true. I would have done anything to stop her from crying. I pulled Noodles over onto my lap, and he started licking my hands. “But you said yourself, you can’t go out to parties. The paparazzi would see you, and then you’d never get in the co-op. It sucks, but I mean, that’s the way it is, right?”

  “You just don’t understand,” she wept. “I’d give anything to just be normal. Like you.”

  I blinked. Me, normal? “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t make any friends…. I’m always hiding out … and now you’re running away from me! I’m going to end up all alone, just like that mean old gypsy said!” She wiped her nose on my bedspread. “Oh, Flan, wouldn’t it be perfect if we were sisters? Then we could do each other’s hair … and stay up all night talking … and go to each other’s graduations … and do all the wonderful things that sisters get to do!”

  “But we can do all of that already,” I said. A little calmer now, Noodles jumped down from my lap onto the floor. “We stayed up all night talking, like, three days ago.”

  “Oh, Flanny, do you mean it?” Suddenly, Sara-Beth perked up. She looked at me intently. “You’re not just saying it?”

  “Umm … saying what?”

  “You really think of me as a sister already?”

  “Sara-Beth, do you have any brothers and sisters?” I asked.

  “Well, on Mike’s Princesses—”

  “No, but real brothers and sisters. Ones you’re actually related to.”

  She shook her head.

  I got up and grabbed a box of Kleenex from on top of my dresser. “Well, I think maybe that’s why you have this … weird idea of what siblings are like. I mean, it’s not like sisters are best friends all the time.”